Lying
by anacsadder
Summary: A one-shot about an unhealthy relationship.


The light from the laptop etched shadows into Wario's scowl. He slouched on the sofa with his elbows on his knees and his fists clenched together under his chin.

_LilacLove: Awww, me too. See you soon ;)_

A fucking winky face. He'd signed it with a fucking _winky face_. It mocked Wario with its smug little smirk. Like it _knew_ things that Wario didn't. Like it had _gotten away _with something. Like it was _daring_ Wario to do something about the infuriatingly sappy exchange he'd just read.

Wario's eyes tracked to the clock in the bottom right corner. 3am. Any bars would have closed an hour ago, wouldn't they? Where the hell was he?

_I know where he is, _the little face winked.

Wario growled at it. He didn't have time for this shit. He had to be up for work in three hours. He'd waited long enough to prove that Waluigi had been out well after midnight. The beanpole couldn't lie his way out of _that_, at least. But as his eyes wandered over the chat log for the dozenth time he decided he was too angry to sleep anyway.

It was almost 3:30 when he finally heard movement in the front hall. The door clicked back into its frame ever so gently. Feet shuffled as shoes thunked lightly against the wall and fell in a heap wherever they landed. There was a loud jingle as keys hit the floor and a softer jingle as they were retrieved.

Wario licked his lips and steadied his voice to what he hoped was a calm tone. "Walu?" He called.

Moments later, a tall figure appeared in the entrance to the living room. One hand gripped the wall for balance. A lopsided smirk slid across Waluigi's face, crinkling one eye. "I thought I saw a light."

Fucking winky face. "Where've you been?"

Waluigi grinned and gestured vaguely at himself with his free hand. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Do you know what time it is?"

"I-" Waluigi looked puzzled and patted clumsily at his pockets as though looking for something. He dropped his keys again as he did so but didn't seem to notice. "Must've forgotten my phone..." He looked over his shoulder. "Damn..."

His partner's nonchalant tone worked its way under Wario's skin. Wario had caught him sneaking in late, dammit! He was sitting right in front of the laptop the idiot left open! And the drunk bastard couldn't be bothered to bat a fucking a eye. What game did he think he was playing? "It's three thirty in the morning!"

Waluigi finally reacted to the raised volume. "What..." Concern wrinkled his brow as he took a few steps into the room. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to. I saw the light so I thought-"

"Don't dodge the question! Tell me where you were!"

Concern tightened into frustration. "Since when do you care?"

Wario stood up. "If you don't give me a straight answer, I'll-" He pointed a shaking finger at his cohort's face. "I'll squeeze it out of you with my bare hands!"

Waluigi's eye twiched. "I was tired of waiting for you to come home and fall asleep in front of the tv, so I went out to have some fun by myself! I'm not some trinket you can lock up and ignore when you're not using it!"

"By yourself?" Wario growled.

"Yes!"

"Then who is GreenThunder?"

Waluigi's eyes wandered to the open computer for the first time. "What?"

"It's Luigi, isn't it?" Wario demanded. "Don't try to deny it. I read everything."

"You-" The other man clenched his fists until his shoulders trembled. "You read my private messages?"

"You left the fucking window open! What did you think would happen when I found out you were making plans to meet some guy at a bar?"

"You could try _not_ being a paranoid asshole! Do you even trust me at all?"

Wario's face felt hot. His whole body felt like it was boiling. "Trust? You don't go behind my back talking to your 'little greenie-kins' about how no one gets you like he does and then tell me about trust! I know you're a cheating asshole, but where you get the balls to do this to _me_ is- is- What were you _thinking_?!"

"It. Was. A. Joke!" Waluigi ground out. "I was bored and I thought it would be funny to mess with him!"

"For two months?"

"I had to make him trust me. You know how skittish that little fucker is." Waluigi gestured at the computer screen. "How could you read all of that sappy crap and think any of it was serious? 'Lilac' stood him up, I made fun of him for it, and he left! That's it!"

"Oh, spare me, you lying sack of shit," Wario spat. "You were gone for _six hours_. If you were just gonna stand him up, why go out there at all? You're obsessed with him!"

"You have no idea how-" Waluigi stopped and rubbed his temples. "Fuck it, I don't need this."

He stormed out of the room. Wario followed him. "Where do you think you're going?"

"None of your damn business!" Waluigi screamed without looking back.

A thick fist clench around a scrawny forearm and yanked hard. "Don't you walk away from me!"

The force whipped the thin man around abruptly and brought him to the ground. The gray eyes were wide with something like shock when they met Wario's again, but Wario didn't have the time or the wherewithal to consider it. All he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears. He didn't even see Waluigi reach for the tennis racket until he stabbed the butt of the handle down on Wario's shoulder. Wario grunted in pain and released the other man's arm. He grabbed for the tennis racket instead.

There was barely a struggle. With his far superior strength, Wario easily wrenched the improvised weapon from the slender fingers. Once more the much lighter doppelganger went sprawling. He pushed himself up on his left arm and scrambled backwards toward the stairs in a three-limbed crab walk, with his other arm held to his chest.

Wario chucked the tennis racket with all his strength. Waluigi flinched as it sailed passed him and bounced noisily off the stair rail. When the hefty doppelganger cocked his fist and charged, Waluigi planted his butt firmly on the stairs, drew his knees up to his shoulders, and fired both feet squarely into Wario's chest. The fat man staggered back and let out a soft "oof" as he landed on his butt.

Waluigi pulled himself to his feet and sprinted up the stairs. As Wario began his pursuit, the sizable dent the racket had left in the baluster caught his eye. Funny thing. He hadn't realized he'd thrown it so hard. A calloused thumb traced the gash in the wooden surface. It was an oddly sobering sensation.

At the top of the stairs he looked down the hall. The bedroom door stood open a crack. Through it he could see a thin silhouette moving back and forth across the room. "Walu?" He called wearily.

"Go away!" Was the muffled response.

Wario sighed as he continued down the hall. "Can't we just start over?"

"No!"

The stocky doppelganger pushed the door open slowly. A suitcase sat open on the bed with a few crumpled shirts and socks hanging out the sides. As Wario watched, Waluigi scooped an armload of underwear from an open dresser drawer and stomped across the room to throw it into the suitcase. His right arm remained bent against his torso and his right shoulder had an unnatural slump to it.

A frown tugged at the corners of Wario's mouth. He never meant to hurt him, but the devious little imp aggravated him so much sometimes. His temper made it far too easy to forget how easily the stick figure of a man could be broken. "What are you doing?"

"Leaving," Waluigi growled as he yanked another drawer open.

"How far you think you're gonna get with your shoulder like that?"

Waluigi stuffed a pair of jeans and a pair of overalls into the suitcase. "As far as I need to."

Wario stepped in front of his partner as he turned away from the bed. "Sit down."

"Get away from me!" His dilated pupils shone with something that might have been anger or might have been fear. It was hard to tell.

"Shhh," Wario whispered as he placed his hands on the narrow waist. "I can't help you from here. Come on. On the floor."

The other man let Wario guide him into a sitting position, but his expression remained apprehensive.

"I didn't mean to attack you," Wario explained calmly as he ripped the purple shirt open along the shoulder seam. "You gotta understand. You mean a lot to me. The thought of losing you makes me kinda... crazy."

Waluigi glared sullenly to his left, stubbornly avoiding eye contact. "Well you don't act like it," he muttered.

"You're right. I don't. And if you were out with Luigi-"

"I wasn't!" Waluigi snapped as he turned a death glare on his cohort.

"Even _if_ you were," Wario continued it a firm but gentle voice, "it would be half my fault for not giving you the attention you deserve."

The other man fell silent as his gaze dropped to his lap.

Wario turned his attention to the exposed shoulder. Just a dislocation. Nothing serious. He knelt opposite Waluigi and placed Waluigi's right hand on his left shoulder, so that Waluigi's upper arm was straight against his side with his elbow bent at roughly forty-five degrees. Starting near the crook of Waluigi's neck, Wario slowly and carefully massage his way toward the over-strained bicep.

A sigh puffed between Waluigi's slightly parted lips as his eyes drooped closed. It took a few minutes for the night's tension to unwind, but Wario soon felt the joint relaxing back into place.

"Better?" He asked.

Waluigi nodded and removed his hand from Wario's shoulder. He kept his head down as he started to stand up.

Wario tightened his grip on the other man's shoulder to stop him. "Walu, look at me."

Bloodshot eyes flicked up to meet Wario's but the head didn't move.

"I'd never hurt you on purpose. Okay?"

Waluigi nodded again. "I know. I mean, it's fine. I've had worse from karting accidents, so..." He shrugged weakly.

A smile spread across Wario's face as he cupped Waluigi's head between both hands. "Good." He kissed the other man's forehead. "Let's put this whole thing behind us." His lips glanced off the tip of the pointed nose. "Maybe we can end the night better than we started." He leaned in to kiss the thin lips.

Waluigi ducked away suddenly. "But don't you have to work in..." He trailed off, evidently realizing he didn't know the current time.

"I'll take a day off. What's the point in owning my own company if I can't give myself a vacation day?"

"For me?" Waluigi's expression perked up a little.

"For you." Wario tilted his head and traced a thumb across the other man's mouth. "But only if you put the suitcase away and forget about all this trying-to-leave-me crap."

There was a grin, and when Wario tried to kiss him again Waluigi kissed back.


End file.
